Love Reversal
by Arldetta
Summary: Ianto and Jack talk. One shot. Minor spoilers for S2E9. slash hinted. Please peek and critique!


Title: Love Reversal

Rating: K

Pairing: Jack/Ianto

Timeline: Set right after "Something Borrowed" (Season 2, Episode 9) minor spoilers

Summary: Ianto and Jack talk.

Disclaimer: Yeah, not mine. Lucky, RTD and BBC!

Author's Note: Well, when I sat down to write, I wasn't expecting this to come out. I have another one-shot I'm working on and was hoping to finish that finally. Needless to say, things didn't work out like I planned, I found myself thinking about all the fics out there reflecting on Jack and Ianto's relationship and this was the result. Not sure how it turned out exactly. It's hot off the press, non-Beta'd and barely read over – rather raw for lack of a better word. First official foray into the fandom, undoubtedly not the last, so I hope you like. As always, comments most welcome! Thanks. :D

- T W – T W -

"Jack, we need to talk."

Looking up from his desk, Jack noticed the determined and calm expression on the Welshman's face. He probably could guess what this was going to be about. Yesterday had been a long and trying day for the team. Gwen had married Rhys, they had stopped a carnivorous shapeshifter from ripping Gwen apart to get back her baby, managed a wedding only to retcon all involved and 'clean-up' the mess. There were enough emotions flying around to fill a fleet of "Howard Lorries." Mistakes were made. It was only a matter of time before this conversation came up.

Sighing, Jack glanced down at his hands resting in the middle of his desk. "I know."

Now that they had agreed to it, both found they didn't exactly know how to continue. Obviously neither even thought they would get this far. Ianto shifted his weight, clearing his throat at the same time. "I think it's time we talked about us…"

Jack looked up into those sharp blue eyes, thoughtful and searching. He took another deep breath and cut Ianto off before he said anything else, "You're right. We probably should have had this discussion long ago, right after I got back. To set things right. You deserve that much."

"That's not what I wanted to say, sir." His tone was deep and resigned. But it was the way he said 'sir' that stopped the words in Jack's throat. He couldn't put a name to any emotions in that endearment, only that it made his heart skip a beat. Ianto took advantage of his momentary bewilderment. "I wanted to tell you that it was all right."

Now the Captain was confused. What was all right? The apparent confusion of his thoughts must have read clearly on his face because the younger man continued. "I've seen the way you look at her. And Owen, that you… I know how you feel and I want you to know I won't stop you. I won't force you to love me like that. In fact, I would prefer it if you didn't love me exclusively."

Jack sat there taken aback and lost for words. This wasn't at all what he thought this conversation would be like. He expected Ianto to demand his undying love and cherish only him just as Ianto had loved Lisa. That he would have to decide on one person to love or another. But suddenly he found himself facing freedom and to be honest, it frightened him. Was Ianto, for lack of a better term, dumping him? Would he no longer get to feel the young man's arms wrapped around him? Those pliant lips on his? Had he messed up their relationship that badly before it truly got started? He just didn't know. "I don't understand." Was that his voice? Or should he call it a whisper? Either way it sounded distant in his ears.

"No one here really knows you Jack. You've never been open with us, but we've come to accept that we will never be able to know all about you, for the most part. You can't die. But I think you've lived more than any of us. More than any of us ever will, Jack. We only get one life time to make mistakes. One life to succeed. You've done both dozens of times already. How can one person in so short a time learn and understand Captain Jack Harkness? You can't." A soft remorseful smile curled the corners of his lips.

Jack said nothing, unsure of how to respond. Ianto saved him the trouble. "And I'm not exactly sure I would want to either. I saw what Estelle's death did to you. And Tosh told me about the original Captain Jack Harkness. I saw the pain in your eyes. It was worse when Owen died. There's no need to apologize. I don't begrudge you the love you have for them. I just want you to understand that I know and it's ok."

His vision blurred slightly. The absolution of his feelings was liberating and Jack felt a weight lift from his shoulders that he hadn't even known existed. He just wanted to jump up and kiss the man before him. He was about to do just that when Ianto continued and kept him pinned in his seat.

"And that's why I don't want you to love me. You have to understand, don't mistake my words for something else. Just hear me out. When you returned I was thrilled to see you again, but it frightened me too. I do love you, Jack. Different from Lisa, but love none-the-less. And I don't think I'll ever not love you. But don't, _don't_ love me in return."

"But why? Why can't I love you? Don't you deserve _my_ love if you love _me_?"

"If we were normal, I would say yes."

"Love should know no boundaries, it's perfectly fine for two me-"

"That isn't what I meant. That doesn't bother me." Ianto corrected Jack's assumption about not being normal meaning two men. His meaning was deeper than that. "You can't die, Jack. You can't commit yourself to one person when time is against you, or rather us. One day, be it now or when I'm old and grey and weak, I _will_ die. I will _leave_ you. And you will have to live on. Do you deserve to see the ones you love leave you to carry on the burdens of life without them? Do you believe that time truly heals all wounds? Or is it just a curse, holding memories forever and ever, knowing _that_ time will never come again.

"I won't lie to you. There will be times when I will need you Jack. Need you more than anything else in this world. To hold me, to love me. But I beg you, do not give me your heart. Because no matter how much I may want it, I can't keep it. And it would be selfish of me to try. Love suits you, it should be shared."

The gentle smirk that formed during those last words almost broke the Captain. In all the years he lived, no one, No One had ever asked him not to love them. They had all wanted his undying love. In the end, it was the only thing he could give them. He loved each and every one of them in their own way. And even though they were gone he would hold on to those memories preserving those happy moments across time.

To be presented with this perfect proposition was unbelievable. How often do you find someone who loves you so much that they do the unthinkable? He had been given his green card of love. The freedom to roam away from home, testing and tasting the waters of foreign lands. And should those places not live up to his expectations, he's free to come home and take advantage of the comfort waiting there to greet him. It was a get-out-of-jail-free card and it scared the shit out of him.

It was a cruel twist of fate. Because after the wedding, Jack had done a lot of thinking while he was alone in the Hub. He realized that he loved Gwen just not how he thought he did. He loved his team. Yet there was one person that crossed his mind more and more as the night wore on. It was then that he realized his stomach was tickled by butterflies as dawn approached and he anticipated the Welshman's arrival.

His mind wove down the lengthy paths of memory recalling that he always got a little jittery shortly before Ianto walked through the Hub's door. How every time Ianto was in danger his heart beat a little faster. That every perfectly tailored suit made his stomach flip. A deep and gentle welsh accent could put his mind at ease. Except for this moment.

He didn't look up. He didn't want to see the acceptance in those brilliant cerulean eyes because he knew he couldn't reciprocate. For he had already failed. Jack had fallen in love with Ianto.

"Sir?" His youngest subordinate gently prodded. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," he managed to say. His own voice sounding raw and muted in his ears. "I'm fine."

Ianto nodded. No, he didn't see it happen just knew that it was so. "I'm glad I was finally able to tell you, sir. Let me know if you'll be needing anything else."

"I will."

Ianto wasn't exactly sure how to take his Captain's loss for words. So he decided now was the time for a tactful retreat. Jack would need some time to take in what Ianto had given him. The man would confront him if he had something to add to their relationship. In the meantime, he would continue doing things exactly as he had before. He turned and walked to the door. Just before he left the office, he heard the bare whisper of, "Thank you," drift his way. His step faltered at the sadness he heard but he could not let go of his resolve. If he allowed Jack to love him, he would want to live forever to spare him the pain. No, this was the best way for both of them. There were no other options.

Ianto walked out, heading up to the Tourist Office. No one else had arrived yet, and for that Jack was thankful. Because in the solitude of his sanctuary, he wept for the love he had lost too soon.

- T W – fin – T W -

So what did you think? Good, Bad? If you have any thoughts, feel free to review. It's right there waiting for you! I would really appreciate your comments. Even if you don't, I appreciate the read, and hope you will check out anything else I may get around to posting here too. Thanks again and good night!

- Ari :D

p.s. the review button is right here:

II (points down)

V ;)


End file.
